Visionary Trip

We came to the USA on December 20th, 2017. 

We came here for these reasons:
-Apply for a green card 

-Give birth to Prasansa 

-Give Jyoti some clean air

-Spend time with family

-Spend time with friends

-Spend time with church family

We weren't sure how long we would stay. We didn't know what the future held... we just came, with faith, that at the right time we would embark on the next step of our journey. 

During our time here (almost 10 months later), a lot more has happened. Simon has been able to do some studying with a close mentor. Simon and I both have had the privilege of meeting new people. People who have become our dear friends. Old friends/ family and new friends alike have been supportive to our specific situation, offering us financial support as well as gifting us so many things. We have really grown to love our little community over here. 

We have been able to build such a strong bond with my side of the family. 

Because we have grown so close to the people we are around they naturally have began to ask the loaded questions. 

So... what exactly is your plan for the future? Are you guys staying here forever? When are you going back to Nepal? What are you going to do?

Honestly, every time I hear those questions I freeze. They are fair questions. Good questions. And they are coming from people who care enough about us to ask them. 

Here is the answer... 

we... 

...don't... 

...know.

It is not a fun answer to receive or give. But it is the truth. It has been hard for me to come to this truth because I like to have all the answers. But in this case, we are living every day for the glory of God while we patiently wait to see what will happen next.  

But we -are- taking steps towards finding the answer. We are headed to Nepal on October 22nd, 2018 (arriving on the 24th) for a 6-week trip. Simon has his interview. We want to see our family and friends from that side of the world. And lastly, we will use this time to seek answers for our future. 

Let's call it a visionary trip. 

We are excited about this trip; but like our initial trip here, we really don't know what will take place while we are there. We will go and we will see what happens. 

Please be praying for us. Pray for our trip. Pray for Simon's interview. And please pray for our vision for the future.

Proverbs 29:18 English Standard Version (ESV)

18 Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint,[a]
    but blessed is he who keeps the law

Speeding Tickets

The music was playing softly in the background as I drove down the old FM road that takes me home. I have driven this road countless times, as this is the same place I grew up. Today was really no different. Both my children made noises in the backseat, anxious to be home instead of in the car.

I see a cop drive by going in the opposite direction. I glance down at the speedometer and notice I am going 5 over the limit. Oops. I lightly tap the break, not wanting to disturb or scare my children. They seem undisturbed, so I sneak a quick peek through the rearview mirror and see the policeman has turned around and is now following me closely.
My heart begins to pound. Am I buckled? Yes. Could a brake light be out? No. I see his lights flash behind me. I anxiously pull my van to the side of the road, feeling my whole body shake with fear.
Why am I so afraid? I wonder. This could all be some funny misunderstanding. It was always my understanding that we were given the grace to go 5 mph over the speed limit.

One policeman walks to my driver window, while the other looks through the back windows at my now VERY restless children.
'Hello!' I say with a grin.
'Ma'am, I need to see your license and proof of insurance please'
'Yes, of course'
I started fishing through my purse while he continued talking.
'You were going 62 in a 50 mph'
I stopped searching. No. I know this road. This can't be right. I did my best to explain to him how he was mistaken and that it was actually 55 mph. But he wouldn't budge. He took my documents and left me and the upset children to sulk in the van alone while he wrote us a ticket.

After we left, I took it upon myself to check the signs. Was my memory fading? Have they changed the speed limit?  I had to drive to find out. Sure enough there it was, the big white sign that read 'Speed limit 55.' I knew it. But now I have a ticket to fight. We have the freedom to fight, so here I come.

This photo was taken from this website

Why yes, that screaming child is mine, thank you.

If I were to talk into a room full of mothers and ask the question, 'Who has ever experience inconsolable screaming from your child... in public?' I have no doubt many, if not all, would raise their hands.

 I know this. You know this. We all know this. 

Kids scream sometimes and no one really can stop it. So today, I finally figured out why we STILL give looks to other moms when it happens to them. It isn't a mean look. It is a look of pity. It is a look that says, THANK GOD IT ISN'T MINE THIS TIME. Yes, so let me share a story about my screaming child day and all the lovely pity looks I got with it. 

Let's start at the beginning. 

If at any point during the story you feel a feeling of pity (also known as I have been there too feeling) then please comment below and share such story with me so I know I am not alone! 

Jyoti (2.5 years old) had a dentist appointment today at 10:10am. No big deal right? I mean, they will just look at her little baby teeth, give her a sticker and then we will be on our way...right? hahaha I make myself laugh realizing I ACTUALLY thought that would be the case. 

Ok, so my brave self, thought I would just quickly stop by the library on the way so we can bring a couple books back and you know, grab a couple more. I thought 30 minutes would be a sufficient amount of time to do this task. 

We arrived at the library with exactly 30 minutes to spare. So far so good. I placed our old books in the drive-by return slot then pulled out Jyoti and Prasansa (3 months old). I look like I have some weird limp as I carried the RIDICULOUSLY heavy infant car seat in one hand and my toddler holding my other hand for dear life (we have programmed her to be afraid of parking lots). I made the brave decision to leave the diaper bag (that Prasansa could fit inside of) in the car. This will be a quick stop to grab some alphabet books. We get in and talk with the librarian to help us find the alphabet books and then we are about to check them out and leave when Prasansa decided it was a great time to poop. Oh great, the diaper bag is still in the car. 

So, I check the books out and lug this heavy empty car seat (holding her now to avoid getting poop on anything but myself at this point), baby, and toddler back to our car. Put said car seat back in and grab the bag. 'Ok, this isn't so bad.' I thought to myself WAY too soon. 
We get into the bathroom and the poop is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. So I change her (she is screaming the whole time because now she is hungry). I finally get her sorted and start to leave when my toddler says, 'I have to go potty!' 

Now, I am holding the baby and I have nowhere to put her because she pooped all over the changing pad. She is also screaming because she is hungry. I decided to minimize the noise in the library, I would go ahead and latch her in the bathroom. And I thought maybe just maybe Jyoti could go potty by herself. Well, she didn't sit far enough back, and she peed all over her leg and part of her panties. So, I changed her (one handed) while nursing Prasansa in the bathroom of the library. 

And the day had only begun... 

We were there WAY longer than 30 minutes, so of course, we were late for her dentist appointment. All seemed fine until we went back and we asked Jyoti to lay down. You would have thought we asked her to give her left lung. She screamed the entire time. And I dont know why it triggered Prasansa to scream too. Maybe she was worried about her big sister? Either way, their screams grew in unison and echoed throughout the office. 

I walked into the waiting room, hoping to quickly grab a seat and nurse Prasansa. Every single chair was taken. I looked around at all the staring faces. These are the faces I mentioned earlier on in the post. The faces that were quietly thanking God they weren't the one with a screaming toddler on one hip and a screaming infant on the other, while barely hanging onto the huge diaper bag and infant car seat. 

Yes. These children are mine. These screaming children are all mine and I am happy they are mine. 

We walked outside the door, and alas, a bench. I sat down and nursed Prasansa (much nicer than our library bathroom nursing experience from earlier in the day). Jyoti happily played on the ground next to me. 

What is it about fresh air that just brings the calm out in everybody?! 

All this to say, 

Moms all over the world, you are not alone. All kids scream. And the staring? It's a good thing. It means that they are looking at a super mom. They might be happy they aren't you. They might be hoping their kids never act like that. But they will. Because, well, kids.