The Truth
I feel I need to share some things with the world.
Things that will make me vulnerable and I am unbelievably reluctant to share. Yet, here I am sharing, so please only continue if you are ready to hear the truth, a lot of truth.
For the past 4 or 5 months, I have been in hiding. I have been hiding from the truth, that I am in fact, a hider.
You see there are different types of people in this world. When conflict arises, some people fight, many people run, and then there are the few who just hide. Unfortunately, that is me.
In the past 4 or 5 months there have been more than one or two conflicts within my life. From living situations, close friendships, to the school I work at.
Everywhere I looked there seemed to be another conflict. So, I hid. I hid from the truth. Not wanting to be exposed of my imperfections, I even hid from my family and friends.
So, people whom I love so much, I want to tell you that I learned something through this.
One cannot hide from God.
It is possible to hide from others and to hide from conflict by not picking a side, but God sees all and knows all, thus, it is impossible to hide from Him.
In desperation, I came to God and pleaded for Him to come meet me, when He didn't, I begged the question: "Lord, what is it that is keeping me from you?"
That is when all was revealed. So, now I am done with hiding.
It is time for me to share the truth with the world.
Here it goes:
At the international school I work at there has been theological division. I saw truth and flaws to both sides of the argument, thus, I decided to hide from choosing a side.
Like a true coward.
The truth is, I am tired of hearing gossip. The truth is that theological division is historically what splits the church. Instead of pointing out the flaws in others, I wish we could all see the flaws within our own selves and look for the treasure in others.
The next area is with living situations.
The truth is, I made a mistake by moving away from the Nepali family I was living with. I miss them more than words can express. But the mistake is already made. Even in my impulsive stupidity, God provides. I now live in a great place, a great location, with an amazing roommate. But it does not change the fact that I miss my Nepali family so much.
The next area I would like to share truth in is with friendships. I want to say I am sorry to the people that my pride has hurt. (You know who you are). I want to tell the people whom I love so dearly in Nepal and in America thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me and thank you for always being there for me no matter how hard I am to deal with. I would not be who I am without your love and support. Thank you so much.
Within this area, I would like to share with the world someone who means so much to me. I met a Nepali man shortly after my arrival in Nepal and began praying about a relationship with him in December of this past year. He has a heart to serve God fully and a vision to serve in Nepal. This is a new relationship and so we are still seeking the Lord as it is mending and being pruned. So, please pray for us because we need it, which brings me to the next point of truth.
Prayer. It works and it is real. God is real. God is love. He is truth. Countless times, I have been in a place of complete despair and then suddenly felt my burdens being lifted only to find out later that someone was praying for me on the other side of the world at that exact time.
The truth is, I could not be here or serve here without your prayers and encouragement. So I feel I owe a huge thank you to the people who have prayed for me or encouraged me or supported me in any way, because the truth is, you are a part of my team serving Nepal.
So here is the truth of who I am:
I am a 24 year old and I feel lost at times but I am in desperate need of my creator all the time. There is a big vision that is constantly pressing on my heart that cannot be accomplished without my team of people who are praying for me and supporting me in a variety of ways. I work at an international school full time, a Nepali school part time, and I serve at an orphanage one day a week. I believe God will use the time I am serving now in the future and so I am believing that He will work everything together for my good.
One more thing, to the amazing young ladies who have emailed me telling me that they look up to me. I have one piece of advice for you.
Don't look up to me. Look up to Him.
Praise the Lord for His love and grace,
Amen.
