It is that moment.
That one moment that you realize you gave up everything to follow Jesus.
The moment when you close your eyes and dirty faces with dark eyes stare back at you, in my sleep, in my heart, I want to help.
I am haunted by what I have seen. I am tormented by the thoughts of the broken hearted. I am burdened by the reality of the marginalized unreached people.
Happiness no longer exists within me. No. I can't fathom happiness anymore. I know a joy. I know I can receive this joy through the richness of encountering His presence. I know that. But the dying. The dead. The dirty hands cleaning my cup. The tangled hair squeezed between my fingers. It brings a burden on me. A burden I can not bear.
It brings me to a place of surrender.
To know Him, to be with Him, to Love Him, to need Him.
This is the cross He has given me to bear. Although the weight is heavy and burdensome it is the knowledge that He knows me better than I know myself. The reality of His sovereignty and divine nature that I pick up my cross daily to follow Him.
It is a belief, it is faith that He in fact knows I can carry this cross.
I do stumble often.
Then, I cry out to Him, "Lord, it is too heavy for me." At that moment, with His unending mercy He offers assistance.
I hear Him saying,
"Don't give up, Karina. I have a plan for you. I have not left you, and I will never leave your side."
Thus, with tears on my cheeks- pride and fear falling to the ground, I continue. I continue forward with faith, faith that He will bring everything together for me one day.
The suffering, the hardships, the patronizing. All of it will one day be clear.
Please know I am not writing this blog for anyone to feel sorry for me. I am not the one who needs the help. I have Jesus. I am saved. It is not me that I weep for, it is them.
It is the family I met in the village of Korchabang who can only see their father once a year because he has to work in Kathmandu and the only way to get to their village is drive on a dirt road for 12 hours from the next city.
It is the approximately 20 Christians in the entire Humla region.
It is the man who is the only Christian in his entire village.
It is the family who has to trek days across mountains to receive medical care if they have a problem.
It is the young girls who received Christ to be their Lord and Savior and are now the only Christians in their village. If they want to go to church, there is a 3-4 hour trek they must be prepared for.
It is the children and families who are poor and are marginalized only because they were born into the "wrong" caste.
So, please know my burden isn't heavy because of anything I personally have to deal with. I am burdened because of them.
Because He has sweetly and perfectly broke my heart for the people of Nepal- specifically the marginalized here and even more specifically the marginalized in remote Humla.
Please be praying for the people I mentioned above. I will be too, and when I go back I will post updates on thier lives for you.
Before we went to Humla, we visited Korchabang. A small village filled with Christians. Their walks with God inspired me. They were passionate. Their small church made from mud, was the biggest blessing the village had ever received. They were so excited about our arrival that days before we came, they made red, white, and blue flags to decorate the church.
I was so blessed to be able to pray for some of the women in the church while we were there. It was also a joy to be able to speak with them a little in Nepali. We would stumble our way through conversation. Ultimately leading to them laughing at me but grateful that I was trying.
We visited one more village near Korchabang, prayed and encouraged the church there then we were on our way to Humla. Humla was mind blowing From the moment we arrived until the moment we left I was under constant spiritual attack and was carrying a heavy burden for the people we met. The first village we visited was a lot of fun. I was able to share the gospel and pray with the young girls the morning that we left; but this was after 6 HOURS of dancing the night before! These Nepali girls are so much fun! I also met a woman who was convinced I was her American daughter and really wanted me to marry a man from her village. I was honored that she took to me so quickly, but kindly refused the offer for an arranged marriage by my "Nepali Amma." :)
The next village I was so blessed to visit was Torpa. Torpa was where I met Choringin and Konjak- the two girls who would later accept Christ. It was also where I met these children.
The next village we went to was the village of Krisma. A young girl who was the only Christian in her village. She was having heart problems and so we met her in Simikot where she came for prayer and medical attention. We then trekked for around 8 hours to get to her village. We arrived in a place that I have to say, reminded me of the Shire from the Lord of the Rings. This villages lay on the side of a mountain. It was gorgeous.
It was dirty, with human feces everywhere and sick people. But it was no matter. We werent there for anything other than the people and it was a joy to meet them. Even after my plate was "cleaned" in cow manure, I found myself laughing as I prayed fervently to not get sick. CLUMP. A pile of rice arrived on the plate that had just been wiped dry from cow manure. A small woman hands me the plate with a smile. I took it joyfully knowing she was honored to serve me on one of the few plates she owned.
Before leaving, me and the other women on our team prayed for Krishma. She was such a beauty-inside and out. I prayed for her and found myself taken back by the presence of God that radiated from her as I did so.
Alas, it was our last night in the mountains. My team all could agree on one thing, we were beat. Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally too. The mountains take a toll on you, but the villagers take your heart. We arrived at our last village. We showed them a film of Jesus' life and story then we explained to them what they just saw and told them that if they had questions we would be ready to talk/ pray with them. Just as we finished saying these things, a friend came down from the roof where his tent lay. "My stuff is gone. Everything has been stolen. My camera, my money, my Bible, my passport, everything..." A deafening feeling of remorse came over all of us. "But, these villagers... I love them so much..." I went to check my bag. It was all there. Everything. Even the wrapper from a snickers bar I had eaten earlier in the day. I looked over to find three young Nepali girls staring at me in the darkness. All I could see was their illuminated eyes. I told them to come where I was and I sat with them as another teammate came to us. We prayed. My new Nepali friends sat with us as we prayed, that if it be Gods will He will use this as a way to share the gospel with these villagers.
Hours passed. I taught the girls, who had now gestured for more village girls to come over, some games that do not require English skills. (The challenge of teaching games in a language I am not so good in was surprisingly thrilling and I enjoyed it very much). Finally, after long hours of playing games and praying in between- a team member spotted a light in the distance. The guys went to go investigate. They found a villager trying to convince them to go back and wait until morning to search. "We will keep looking for now, but thank you." They said. A shoe was found! Only one. But it meant they were on the right track. The guys and villagers continued to look, they found a bag of snacks! The hope was back- they searched confidently. Then they found the bags, stuffed in a hole and covered with leaves. BUT EVERYTHING WAS THERE!!!!! NOT ONE THING WAS MISSING! They came back to the village and used this to talk about Gods faithfulness, provision, mercy, and grace!
GOD IS SO GOOD!
Although, I have many more stories which I would love to share I will go ahead and stop here. I wanted to share what happened on this trip as it was life changing for me. I am still currently processing everything and what this might mean for my future.
Please pray for everyone mentioned in this blog as you feel led. Also, please pray for me as God is revealing more and more to me every day.
Thank you! Love you friends and family.
