Why yes, that screaming child is mine, thank you.

If I were to talk into a room full of mothers and ask the question, 'Who has ever experience inconsolable screaming from your child... in public?' I have no doubt many, if not all, would raise their hands.

 I know this. You know this. We all know this. 

Kids scream sometimes and no one really can stop it. So today, I finally figured out why we STILL give looks to other moms when it happens to them. It isn't a mean look. It is a look of pity. It is a look that says, THANK GOD IT ISN'T MINE THIS TIME. Yes, so let me share a story about my screaming child day and all the lovely pity looks I got with it. 

Let's start at the beginning. 

If at any point during the story you feel a feeling of pity (also known as I have been there too feeling) then please comment below and share such story with me so I know I am not alone! 

Jyoti (2.5 years old) had a dentist appointment today at 10:10am. No big deal right? I mean, they will just look at her little baby teeth, give her a sticker and then we will be on our way...right? hahaha I make myself laugh realizing I ACTUALLY thought that would be the case. 

Ok, so my brave self, thought I would just quickly stop by the library on the way so we can bring a couple books back and you know, grab a couple more. I thought 30 minutes would be a sufficient amount of time to do this task. 

We arrived at the library with exactly 30 minutes to spare. So far so good. I placed our old books in the drive-by return slot then pulled out Jyoti and Prasansa (3 months old). I look like I have some weird limp as I carried the RIDICULOUSLY heavy infant car seat in one hand and my toddler holding my other hand for dear life (we have programmed her to be afraid of parking lots). I made the brave decision to leave the diaper bag (that Prasansa could fit inside of) in the car. This will be a quick stop to grab some alphabet books. We get in and talk with the librarian to help us find the alphabet books and then we are about to check them out and leave when Prasansa decided it was a great time to poop. Oh great, the diaper bag is still in the car. 

So, I check the books out and lug this heavy empty car seat (holding her now to avoid getting poop on anything but myself at this point), baby, and toddler back to our car. Put said car seat back in and grab the bag. 'Ok, this isn't so bad.' I thought to myself WAY too soon. 
We get into the bathroom and the poop is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. So I change her (she is screaming the whole time because now she is hungry). I finally get her sorted and start to leave when my toddler says, 'I have to go potty!' 

Now, I am holding the baby and I have nowhere to put her because she pooped all over the changing pad. She is also screaming because she is hungry. I decided to minimize the noise in the library, I would go ahead and latch her in the bathroom. And I thought maybe just maybe Jyoti could go potty by herself. Well, she didn't sit far enough back, and she peed all over her leg and part of her panties. So, I changed her (one handed) while nursing Prasansa in the bathroom of the library. 

And the day had only begun... 

We were there WAY longer than 30 minutes, so of course, we were late for her dentist appointment. All seemed fine until we went back and we asked Jyoti to lay down. You would have thought we asked her to give her left lung. She screamed the entire time. And I dont know why it triggered Prasansa to scream too. Maybe she was worried about her big sister? Either way, their screams grew in unison and echoed throughout the office. 

I walked into the waiting room, hoping to quickly grab a seat and nurse Prasansa. Every single chair was taken. I looked around at all the staring faces. These are the faces I mentioned earlier on in the post. The faces that were quietly thanking God they weren't the one with a screaming toddler on one hip and a screaming infant on the other, while barely hanging onto the huge diaper bag and infant car seat. 

Yes. These children are mine. These screaming children are all mine and I am happy they are mine. 

We walked outside the door, and alas, a bench. I sat down and nursed Prasansa (much nicer than our library bathroom nursing experience from earlier in the day). Jyoti happily played on the ground next to me. 

What is it about fresh air that just brings the calm out in everybody?! 

All this to say, 

Moms all over the world, you are not alone. All kids scream. And the staring? It's a good thing. It means that they are looking at a super mom. They might be happy they aren't you. They might be hoping their kids never act like that. But they will. Because, well, kids. 

Crushed Expectations with Glorious Results

Here is the story of Prasansa Faith's journey from the womb to the world... 

I was ready to give birth long before my due date approached. I have heard this is common with the second one, as the fear of actually giving birth is long gone. 'Just get this baby out of me already' was a common thought, even before my due date had approached. On Friday, April 27th at around 3pm (my due date was the 30th) I felt my first contraction. I was stoked but knew I needed to remain calm because after I felt that first one, I didn't feel another one for another hour or so. Around evening that same Friday night, they had really picked up. 
My excitement faded into a fearful focus as the contractions became stronger and stronger. 

It was time to call the midwife. The baby must be on her way! They came quickly and got the house set up for the arrival my little Prasansa. The contractions came closer and closer together. We all anxiously waited. I hopped into the water to help with the pain. I relaxed and suddenly they stopped. I got back out of the water and they didn't pick back up again for another hour or two. What was happening?? My mind quickly went back to the moments before it all began and how badly I wanted this baby to be born. Had I done something wrong? Was this all a false labor? But then they came again close together and very painful. I was checked. My body was in active labor. My midwives decided to stay overnight. But then, it stopped again. Saturday morning sunrise shone through the house and yet still no baby. 

We decided to pray together to figure out what we should do next. I was also prayed for, I needed strength and I needed to understand what in the world was happening. 

After our prayer time, Simon and I went for a walk to see if that would trigger the contractions to come back since I was still effaced and dilated. 

The contractions were completely gone now. No one could understand what was happening but because all vitals on myself and Prasansa were coming back great, we decided to continue this odd waiting game. But now my midwives decided to head home. An hour or two after they left the contractions came back again. They again were very close together and strong. I was too embarrassed to call my midwife back again so instead, I just continued to endure without them. Around 7pm, Simon had had enough. He gave them a call and they came back over again. I was checked and was even more dilated and effaced, my body was in active labor. But this time they noticed something new, Prasansa's head wasn't turned correctly. We tried waiting it out. But after watching me suffer through hours and hours of contractions, the question of whether or not to break my water came to the surface. I was checked again. Her head still hadn't turned. She was too low on my cervix. She was having trouble turning her head. 

They helped me into a position that made the contractions ridiculously painful but it pulled her off of my cervix (I had to stay in that position for 30 minutes). Then they helped me into another position that also made contractions unbelievably uncomfortable that encouraged her to move her head. 

It worked. 

After 3 or 4 pushes, she was out! 

And my special girl was born inside of her amniotic sac (picture too graphic for this blog). She broke it herself actually. After her hands came through the birth canal, she threw her arms out and her fingernails cut open the amniotic sac. Yes, unique. Very very unique. 

So my parents came and met their newest grandbaby. 

Prasansa Faith was born on April 29th at 12:32 am weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces. 

As difficult as the labor was and how strange her delivery was, I wouldn't change one thing. 

I look back at my supportive husband who was there for me and helped me every step of the way. He encouraged me and gave the extra push I needed to 'push' her out.

I think about all the expectations I had before she was born and realize how wrong they were. I thought she would be born quickly since she was my second. I thought she would be huge. I thought wrong and what a glorious reality that came out. 

Prasansa is a perfect name for her. For what can I do but praise the Lord? His perfect will played out and it was perfect.

And so, Jyoti met her little sister for the first time. And as I have prayed for since the day I found out I was pregnant, she has loved her since that very moment.

Our little family grew. 

From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you.

-Psalm 71:6

Adjustments

Adjusting

Jyoti is adjusting to American food
by spreading it all over her face and hands.

Our time in the USA so far has been far busier than expected. But a great type of busy. I have been able to reconnect with old friends and our church has been such a blessing during this time. Simon has been taking classes and we both have been so blessed to receive discipleship from them. It felt good to be welcomed back so graciously by our church family. But this has been a time of adjustment for us. And adjustments have positive and negative 'side-effects' to them.

Have you ever felt like you were alone while surrounded by a crowd of people? 

This is how I feel sometimes as I adjust to life over here. I think this is a normal feeling for someone who is adjusting to be back 'home' again. I put home in quotations, as Nepal is also my home. I'm home; yet, my good friends from this side of the world have moved on with their own lives. No complaints. I get it. But it is definitely an adjustment. 

I took Jyoti to the park one day and as I looked around, I saw other American moms just like me. However, as I attempt to make conversation there was something awkward that made our conversation end quickly. What is this unknown awkward substance? Me. I forgot how to converse with other Americans apparently. I knew a lot of Americans in Nepal... but we all had something HUGE in common. We left our home country to live in Nepal. The only common ground I can find these days is... uh, I am a mommy too! Yea, I even feel awkward writing about my awkwardness. 
So what is adjustment like in one word:
Awkward.

Since I have been here, there have been a few things I have been keeping in my head. Maybe it is time to 'say' them aloud. 

Are you ready for my confessions?

1a. I still don't have any clue on what a hash tag means/ does

1b. I don't know what snap chat, twitter, or anything else really is, besides Facebook and Myspace and that makes me feel old.

2. I am slowly getting up to speed with American politics, and honestly, I am saddened with the clear division between parties 

3. I am right in the middle with vaccinations. I think the CDC schedule is too intense but I also think some vaccinations are life saving and important 

3. I miss Nepal... A LOT 

4. I miss teaching 

There. *sigh* what a relief to finally put those out there. 

I get to be my daughter's first teacher!

Ah, number four. Teaching. Who knew how much I would miss it? I started subbing recently. Definitely not the same as having my own classroom with children I get to invest in for an entire year. However; yes, I have had some fun times with the students I have subbed here. 

Some of my favorites:

-I subbed for a teacher with the last name, Mrs. NC instead of KC. The children were able to remember my name quickly in that one.

- Subbing for a fourth grade social studies/ English teacher and imprompting a game where they had to remember different things from the text they had to read. The children were laughing and so was I. 

-In a middle school one student raising his hand asking if I am pregnant only to get a quick punch in his arm by a friend. 'You never ask a lady that. What if she isn't?!' I waited a minute before telling them that I am in fact pregnant.

Some of my non-favorites:

-Catching two middle school boys looking up porn 

-Having to go to different schools each time, thus never being able to make any good teacher friends

-Connecting with a class only to say good-bye, not knowing if I will ever see the children again

So, subbing is not the same as teaching. But it has been a blessing to be able to be in the classroom. I have learned a few tricks to keep in my imaginary teacher tool box. 

And there is nothing more rewarding than being your own child's teacher.

One day we will be back in Nepal again and we will have at least two children. We know that much about our future, not much else. 

We don't know if Simon will get a green card or not. If he does, we have a few options on that road. However, if he doesn't then we have a very different road to travel on back in Nepal. 

Please pray for us as we continue in this adjustment season:


-Simon's green card: just that we could hear something from USCIS (immigration) 
-For Prasana Faith to come into the world perfectly and beautifully (currently 35 weeks right now) and be a healthy baby 
-Jyoti to adjust to the new adjustment of having a baby sister (and Simon and I to having two children instead of one!) 

                                   Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything,but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.